Updated: Jan 6
The path to truth is often made to seem beautiful and freeing. I think what is beautiful on this path is often what we are given as a necessity of continuance - a kind of salve or encouragement or lure - to help us continue this treacherous path. If there were not the promise of some beauty, who would pursue it willingly? Once we are on the path, once we are searching, we must understand that truth is not a kind of grail you find glowing in the sun on some ancient stone in a clearing in the forest. Truth is not so much a state or conclusion. Truth is more a becoming. It starts with earnest desire or necessity. Then requires us to face the truth of our bones. We must be willing to be honest and sit with the ecstasy and the incomprehensible pain of this holy life. When we truly begin to wade into the inky blackness of honest seeing, we can become soul-shocked by it. Soul-shocked by the lack of rules, by the savagery, by the untamed immensity, and, most especially, by the fact of what-has-been. Soul-shocked by the is-ness of reality beyond our own fragile constructions of it. Sorrow, despair, and insanity are normal responses to this seeing. And here I am, to tell you, if you can survive touching the truth that lies deep in your bones, if you can face it and become transformed, you will encounter a field that I can only describe as a vast expanse of the deepest heart. It is not a transcendent insulation of life, but a merging with it. You become something else. And that something else does not fear/hurt/shake/hope the same way. There will be more of you, many, many more. And They will be enlivened by what is currently your burden. To the outside world you may look gnarled and perhaps even ugly, or too beautiful to be held. To the rest of Life you will be met with the tenderest, most honest, sacred belonging. It is my deepest hope that you keep going into the blackness. And that you are given enough morsels along the way to sustain you while you die.